6 New Year’s Resolutions for romantically minded NOLA singles

Can we all please just agree on a relatively normal standard of dating? Now that it’s 2014, I think that all of us participating in the NOLA dating scene should band together, raise our expectations by a fraction of a percent, and promise to not be bat-shit crazy.

NOLA singles, please repeat after me, “I promise to…”

1. Actually carry on a normal conversation with more than two words.

Is speaking really that hard?

2. NOT respond sketchily to seemingly normal questions

Example:

Me: What do you do for a living?

Him: I’m a businessman.

….WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!

3. NOT make fun / tease / put down my date within our first communication together

I’m all for witty banter, but I draw the line at name-calling. Unless you have yet to graduate from the fourth grade (which would bring up a whole other host of problems), I expect nothing but flattery and compliments.

4. Take a first date somewhere NORMAL

This precludes the following: the food court at Lakeside Mall, Bourbon Street, a shooting range, Rally’s, your ex’s wedding or your own birthday party.

And please, guys, don’t even THINK about taking me to a chain restaurant. Because if that is your idea of an OK date spot then WHAT IS THE POINT OF LIVING IN NEW ORLEANS (looking at you, Houston)?

5. NOT call your date “sweetheart” on the first outing

Unless you’re a 1920’s New York gangster, calling me this particular term of endearment is not only annoying, but downright creepy.

I will, however, accept “baby” or “honey,” but only if you’re an elderly woman greeting me at the Winn Dixie.

6. NOT speak only about myself on a date

Because, in actuality, I really don’t care about how your cat won’t stop sneezing.