End-of-summer Rant No. 2: Why will summer never end?

It’s hot. It makes us twitchy. Sure, September is here, but where in the heck is that fall weather? Since soaring temps tend to make us do crazy things, we at NolaVie are relieving hot-weather stress with a short series of daily rants. Just, you know, to vent. In the heat. Please join in.

Raise your hand if you’re ready for summer to be OVER.

End-of-summer Rant No. 2

Have you ever noticed that summer NEVER ENDS here? That the heat and the stickiness and the sweat just seem to go ON AND ON and …. Sure, we get to wear shorts in January, but really, is that always a GOOD THING?

So, today we rant about WHY WE ARE SO GLAD THAT SUMMER WILL BE OVER SOON. Please. Make it be over. Because:

1. We can’t wait for bad fall TV series. NCIS New Orleans alone is going to give us endless fodder for talking about why film and TV people never get us right.
2. We are really tired of this wimpy and very boring hurricane season. Where did all the named storms go? It makes summer crawl … no charting paths, planning evacuations, kind of hoping that something VERY SMALL will head this way so that we can get out of work … I mean, its path. (My colleagues tell me I’m tempting fate with this one.)
3. We’re tired of feeling like marinating pieces of meat — vacuum-sealed in our work clothes, reabsorbing our own sweat.
4. From the crawfish boils to the scoops of Creole Creamery, the daiquiris just because 4:15 is close enough to 5 o’clock to fried everything at the ubiquitous summer festivals, we’re getting dangerously close to not having to convert to elastic waistbands entirely.
5. We’re excited to wear our New Orleans-style parkas (also known as cardigans up North).
6. Certain Uptown bars have reached their adolescent occupancy saturation point.
7. We’ve finally realized that Magic 8 Ball is the official sponsor of New Orleans summer weather reports involving rain.
8. The mosquitos must die.
9. The cicadas, too.
10. All of the bugs. We’re ready for them to freeze over in the Polar Vortex that is a 65-degree fall day New Orleans.
11. We can’t shovel our sno-balls and ice cream cones in to our mouths fast enough without NOLA’s infernal heat melting them. (*See #4)
12. Our Saints jerseys are pressed, ironed, starched and ready to be shamelessly worn and re-worn multiple times in a week, like an obligatory school uniform.
13. How many more days until Mardi Gras?